Apr. 24th, 2017

hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)
Aaah, day three of this constant, dreadful dizziness. I have spurts of energy and then I'm just tired again. It's easy to realise why I was getting so fucked up by having to run this schedule for most of summer last year, because I can do it, but my body is in no way well suited to this, haha. Even in college, I was getting up at six to five and sleeping at seven to eight.

I have things I'm supposed to be doing, things that I want to do, and things that I need to do. But apparently 'physically exhausted' has shifted into 'mentally exhausted', and I don't really know why. Probs because my brain doesn't want to fire on all cylinders haha.
hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)
We're back to random racing heart problems, I guess.

I'm tempted to wail at people about.. like, everything tonight, which is largely just a symptom of being tired, and apparently of my heart racing, because I always get weepy and melodramatic when this happens. I'm just usually not inclined towards longing for verbal coddling as a result of it, but.. I everyone gets in the sort of mood where they just desperately want reassurance sometimes.

(I am so tired, and I get like this when I am in pain, and.. the discomfort caused by random racing probably IS pain, if I'm entirely honest, and it's just not high enough for me to recognize it as such. So I know I will regret actually just, like.. hitting up people like "DO YOU ACTUALLY LIKE ME, Y/N, I AM HURTING AND WEEPY AND MY WAY OF DEALING WITH THIS IS TO SEEK OUT VALIDATION FROM EVERY IMPORTANT PERSON I KNOW.")

(but oh, I am tempted, because this hurts and this sucks and I can deal with it, because I always deal with it, and there's nothing anyone can do about it, but I am really fucking unhappy about it, and I just really want people to be nice to me, haha, even if it's mostly because I'm asking for it.)

(but that's alright, I guess? Everyone wants comfort sometimes, and it's not a character flaw to seek out reassurance when you're upset. Even if it's about silly shallow SHIt that I know the answer to.)
hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)
Also just a symptom of being sick and daft tonight: hurt feelings over very, very silly things. And irritation over something very, very silly.

Calm down, brain, you'll feel better in the morning, AND your heart will have stopped running a one man marathon.

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hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)
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