Jun. 3rd, 2017

hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)
I am a tornado of stress and anxiety lately, due to a whole lot of things, but partially that this flare-up has not died down, haha. I am starting to think my sister actually fucking jinxed me. I also have an actual fucking low-grade rash where the dog licked me. Why am I allergic to everything in this entire world?

It's weird to say that I've actually been fine, under the stress? I'm happy enough lately, which is nice.

People talk about me to other people when I am not there, and it's slightly surreal. but everyone also knows that I'm an appearance-obsessed monster, so they keep bringing me back people's impressions, and it's fascinating? I don't really emote with people I'm not close to, because it's not.. super productive, haha.

I just default to "pleasant, polite, not remarkably so"! Make small talk, be nice, keep a mental list of some trait they seem proud of so that you can compliment it and then potentially bring it up next time, and smile a lot. Everyone thinks that you are now friends. congraats.

OR SO I THOUGHT. Apparently, I am somehow vaguely intimidating, because this is the third dude who's 1) older than me, 2) heavier than me, 3) taller than me that's been like "I COULD NEVER TELL IF THEY HATED ME OR JUST DIDN'T GIVE A FUCK" and it's mildly baffling, pffff. I mean, I'm less friendly to guys in general? Guys have a bad habit of taking any sign of above-normal friendliness as flirting, and I fucking detest that, but I guess that means I come off as a bit of a dick to that demographic?

idk, idk, it is silly.

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hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)
ox-eyed

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