Aug. 3rd, 2017

hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)
It's vaguely surreal whenever my body decides, oh, hey, you're actually hungry, because.. it really does not feel any different from just wanting to puke, at this point. But I'm going to shovel food down my gullet anyway, and hope for the best. Having a set calorie count to meet every day doesn't necessarily do a lot to make me want to eat, but it gives me a goal that makes it easier to eat, if that makes sense? Which is nice.

I quit pop cold turkey, and I'm always mildly mystified as to how people have such issues with this? I mean, yes, obviously, I want fucking caffeine. No caffeine and no pain-killers have combined to make me feel like a glorified sloth, both in terms of how much I want to do and how much I actually feel like I have the energy to do. But.. it's just a drink, ultimately? IDK, addiction is such a big thing, and it runs in my family, and I don't quite get it. But I guess it's, like.. OCD, but on a biological level, haha, so maybe I'm just not going to ever especially get it, in the same way people don't understand OCD.

I'm going through a vain period again. I just really like the way I look! My face is 50%/50% on how much I can tolerate it, but I'm generally always okay with my body, which is nice. Upon further contemplation, I think my face issues are just.. I always internalise myself as being long-faced and heavy-lidded, which is a thing from very specific angles, and then I look in the mirror and realise oh! no! that's not the case from the others! and things get weird.

.. but yeah, just really into the way I look right now. Which: vanity is a little silly, haha. There are cuter people out there! But there's just something very satisfying about my mental image and physical appearance matching up, and hitting something I can go "oh, hey, that's hot!" about. So sparkly emojis at myself, I guess!

hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)
 CASUAL FRIEND: [some deeply personal fact stated casually]
ME: you,, know I'm not reciprocating that, right

I see her prompting, but nooooooo. It's not even anything personal! I just am full up on deep interpersonal connections rn. And possibly forever. TOO MUCH ENERGY.


hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)

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