Mar. 8th, 2017

hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)
I'm really pleased that I set things to a voting system, because oh my god, I don't want to deal with what would amount to personality conflicts, and people have proven terribly bad at the whole "if you don't like this person, don't deal with them" schtick. I don't understand why, tbh, because that was significantly less of an issue on dreamwidth or.. any other non-tumblr game I've been in, but tumblr has its own unique culture.

As I am always complaining about, pfff.

But this is an excellent reminder on why I keep friend groups very firmly isolated from each other, haha! And also, n, I'm not going to forward anyone else that I know, because the responses will basically be the same. I.. might end up making a second chat to shove all of my less anxious friends into for RP? Not sure yet. #effort!

With that said:

I kind of gently want to whap someone with a newspaper, though. The majority of the complaints irritated me a bit, because I.. am not a fan of anxiety, and I'm not sure he gives weird vibes and reminders of a friend who's Too SJ-y when our blogs are pretty much the exact same content on that vein? But that is legit largely a case of me just perpetually being unimpressed with anxiety, in both cases. Character flaw on my end, ino, and everyone's opinion is perfectly valid, even if it wasn't the one I wanted, haha.

But "I would never want to be in the same room as him" is both a pretty harsh proclamation, and actively eyebrow raising, because.. see above wrt A and I's shared opinions on most topic, but also, are you really talking about the person I am much closer to than you like that? Better ways to phrase it: "I don't think our personalities would mesh", "he doesn't seem like he'd get along with the group", "he seems very up front with his opinions, and like he'd talk over people".

Like, I wouldn't want to be in a room with a number of my fantrolls friends friends,because 1) creepy, and 2) mildly racist, but I wouldn't actually say that? Because that's rude.

I'm not actually deeply annoyed or anything, the past twelve hours have just been various shades of increasingly incredulous for me. Especially because my trainee called off work, then said she'd be coming back in, so I just fucked over my sleep schedule for nothing.

(Actually minorly annoyed over the whole "well, why put it to a vote if it was going to annoy you?" after I pre-faced the entire conversation with the fact it's weird that none of my friends will get along, because half are anxious and the other half are hardcore liberal activists. Like, dude, I was not unclear in the slightest bit in that initial sentence.)

hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)
I had a big disclaimer on this originally, but you know what, nah. I'm not pissed, but I am mildly annoyed, and that's fine, it's valid, I'll own it. I don't feel like soothing hurt feelings pre emptively for once, haha.

I'm not really irritated over the vote, because honestly, I invited Z and not A, because while I love them both dearly, A is probably too aggressive to mesh well. And I gave the link to his tumblr, knowing that would probs very well be a death sentence to him getting in, BUT it's important to let people be informed on the decisions they're making.

I'm mostly line-facing, because it's a casual reminder that, like.. my politics, as far as I'm concerned, are 'baseline decent person' politics, and I am both tired and mildly leery of people who don't have strong opinions about maintaining that standard, haha. Like, okay, been there, done that with 'group of white kids that find any strong opinions about discrimination that doesn't affect them to be Too Much', already got the fun emotional burn scars.

Repeatedly. If it's not 'well, he didn't mean it like THAT', or actual slurs that they want to argue, it's dating skinheads and arguing that racism just isn't that big of a deal anymore, because they don't experience it. (Or 'are you sure it's because you're brown? maybe they just thought you looked worrying!') Replace race with sexuality and class where necessary.

And it's not charming OR a coincidence when every single person who's complained about tumblr being too SJ-Y is white. Like, I'll take people who care too much and get overenthusiastic in it over having to explain, for the fifth time, why someone shouldn't use niggardly. Or why 'I'm afraid to be offensive by making minority characters, so I only write white people' is fucked up.

.. this is just pre existing saltiness from older issues, honestly, pfff. The whole 'well, I'm white and Trump getting elected won't affect me, so it's only four years, what's the big deal?' as well as general dislike of my complaints being taken entirely the wrong way. It's a little petty to be amused / disgruntled over the realisation my friends won't mesh, but I've been actively sympathetic over way pettier shit, dude. It's not hard to be like "haha,oh,that's rough!"

But I mostly just get like, sort of dismissive responses when I bring up my stuff, anyway, so it's not really aggravating, in that light? I am not entirely sure what I expected. I just need to resort what I mention and don't, haha, nbd.
hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)
I dislike when I can't tell if someone's being obtuse, fishing for a reaction I'm not going to give because I know I'm not being irrational in being annoyed, SORRY,  or if I'm just in a fuckton of pain and it's making me pissy at everyone.

My heart says it's a little bit of everything, tbh. My boss is handwaving the forty minutes late that I arrived, so I get to go home at five, but it's like - I want to go home now, ugh. I'm being whiny! But everything hurts and I'm exhausted and I'm not sure why I just had a five minute conversation about why my friend won't judge their friends for being rude about my frien 

Like: okay, great, I didn't fucking ask you to, insinuate you should, and in fact said that I didn't expect you to, so why have you told me this three separate times now?
hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)
 I'll delete all of these internet venting posts later, probably, I just need to hiss about this somewhere and I don't feel like dealing with the usual "why are you het up about your internet people?" discourse that comes if I try to complain to the usual suspects.
hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)
The urge to go roll around in makeup for a few hours is pretty much always there, because I love makeup and fashion and contacts a lot. I'm just also allergic to everything!

I might drop a friend a $20 to do my makeup, though, just to see the possibilities. Or possibly my sister? Our complexions don't quite match, but it seems less gross in borrowing someone's concealer.
hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)
IBUPROFEN HAS FINALLY KICKED IN, thank god, and my aggravation has died with it. Also, talked it out, and I'm still a bit line-face-y, but whatever. I'll actually be over it in the morning. I'm not irritated, I'm just completely fucking exhausted. and laying down almost flat typing this, because it's the only position that doesn't feel like I'm sticking a railroad tie through my stomach.

I really don't want this to be something that requires surgery, but at the same time, if it finally fixes this..! It would be so, so, so nice to actually not be in near-constant pain without taking like 1k+ mg of ibuprofen.

It's sort of nice to have actually had one of my rare, actual snit and realise that oh! Look at this, I'm still perfectly nice and reasonable throughout the entire thing, because I'm an adult who can control my own behaviour and presentation. Why do people find this hard? I got kind of peevish on the phone, but.. composure isn't that hard, I realised I was getting waspish and apologised promptly.

(Speaking of which: I whine generically about IRL people a lot, both in my family and in my peer groups, but, like. I do appreciate them lots. Especially when I'm in one of my "yes, but WHY is the internet like this" funks.)

It is so hard for me to actually understand people who're like "I lost my temper and said something dreadful!", because.. why didn't you remove yourself from the situation earlier? Why can't you predict your behaviour, and arrange the situation so that it doesn't happen? IDK, man. I can't actually think of a single thing I've said, now or in the past, in anger or just on normal day-to-day conversation, that I've genuinely regretted.

The idea that people actually do, regularly enough that it isn't two or three times in their entire life, is amazing. And baffling.

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