Mar. 10th, 2017

hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)
 Just thinking about the best friends construct! Because it's not actually a super meaningful one, but this is the price of people making off hand jokes sometimes, I rapidly overthink them. >:D
I usually just classify people as different types! I had a tabletop BFF, college BFF, a furry bff.. and then I have a couple of people that I'm just incredibly fond of. We may not be close, but like, with C -
- I've read her stuff since I was fourteen, then when I was eighteen, she started following me back. And she was single-handedly the nicest fucking person I knew from 18-21, consistently, without fail, and she was intensely supportive. And it wasn't personal! I was just a sad kid on her periphery that was having a rough time, and she liked me, so she did things that took very little energy on her part to do, and that it would've been cruel NOT to do.
So she's obvs not my Best Friend or even anything more than a casual acquaintance, but I'm deeply invested in her well being to an extent that I think people would find unexpected. She is less 'bff' and more 'beloved aunt', and I am 99% I'm just 'neighborhood child that she is proud of' in contrast, but I'd still get very annoyed if anyone said anything bad about her, you know?
But yeah! There's a couple of people I guess I would classify just as, like, generic best friends: some IRL, some online, but.. I know some people absolutely do count me as their best friend, whereas my investment in them is not on the same level. That's fine, I'm not a dick about it. But it's weird to think that people I DO assume value me to the same extent that I value them may actually not? 
Not weird in a bad way, really, because.. that's life! I value a whole load of people more, and unequal investments are just a thing that happens in socialisation. I'm just being nosy again, honestly, and craving the deep "LET'S TALK ABOUT OUR FEELINGS AT 2AM" silly friendship bullshit today.
It's nostalgic, haha, and going through all the RP setup lately has put me firmly back to vaguely craving that.
.. not with some of them, though, pffff. If I never have navigate around the question of if I'm too affectionate with my friends, because they have a significant other, I will die happy. Like, switching up the way I act in front of their S/Os would be the ACTUAL weird part, I am 99% sure! And people get so suspicious if you key down any overt shows of affection just because they have a partner now, because 'did you only like me because you were trying to get in my pants??' Trying to be pre-emptively considerate never, ever works, basically.
hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)
 I have no idea how to ever phrase it, but.. I really, really adore indirect sensations? Like, I like constant low level stimulation 24/7 - it keeps me from getting too distracted by things, if I always have white noise / something on my skin / something to fiddle with / two conversations going, and it lets me focus on things as a result.

But also, just like.. little texture changes? The way it feels when your pen draws on paper, and switches from the correction tape to paper. The totally psychosomatic pinching feeling when you've got something on copy/paste. The way water shifts in a glass, or you get the warm scalp buzzing feeling from certain music.

It's all weird as fuck, but also just random little daft things that make me immensely happy.
hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)
I am increasingly mystified by people that I've spoken to for.. less than six months actually being a shit about the guy I've been friends with for the past three years. I made a completely separate chat specifically so that she, C and M would not have to deal with him. I did not kick up even the slightest bit of a fuss to their faces over their language regarding him, because I asked for opinions - and, alright, I did not expect some bizarre personal judgements, but sometimes you don't get the answers you expect. That's fine.

I don't actually give a fuck if they like him. I want them to behave like adults and not be rude about him to my face? This is not difficult. This is something you learn in primary school.

I will be politely put off in private and keep on my game-face in public, because moderators are impartial, and I, for one, am a goddamn adult. I'm going to be aggressively friendly at him, and so will Z and T, at the very least, and I'm.. not going to engage in conversations where he's being blatantly fucking ignored, what the hell. Or include her in conversations, when her stated intention is to knock him out of them.

But, like, I feel a little bit like that entire question was a set-up to state that she was going to deliberately snub him, because that's exactly what I'd have done when I was sixteen.


(The idea that she did it because she's awkward is not actually much better? SHE'S TWENTY SIX.)

(This is not the kindest post, but I don't actually like her enough to be particularly nice about this in my ownn space, to be honest! Especially because.. she agrees with his opinions, but objects to him being outspoken about them? Are you fucking serious?)


hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)

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