Mar. 15th, 2017

hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)
Post discussing money, here's your warning, because LJ cuts aggravate me visually.


I'm going to have to hit up my sister to see what she thinks, but current thoughts are basically:
  • I get $860 every two weeks, give or take overtime.
  • This evens out to 2 1/2 paychecks per month.
  • I pay $250 towards loans every month, plus $300 towards my car
  • My loans are 24k right now, having checked everything, and I'll be dropping 1k onto a loan as soon as my rebate is in. I'm sticking another $800 of my rebate straight into savings.
  • SO: all I need per month in terms of liquid cash is one paycheck: $750 for my bills, $160 or so for gas and general finances.
  • This isn't covering my parents bills, but they never give me any advance warning unless I manually want to take over the accounts, so I can't plan for those.
  • BUT if I drop $860 straight on my loans every month, that'll make it 26 months to completely wipe out the loans.
  • Assuming I don't get a pay raise, or I don't nab a second job for the weekends, like I'm sorely tempted rn. I won't do commissions, because that's turning out to be something I really, really hate, and cashiering is straight out, but farmers market helper or something low-key for an extra hundred a week or something?
The only loans that I actually have to worry about, tho, are the Stafford high interest ones: ESCII's paid down to a wink, and the 3.5% one, I'm going to keep and nurse for my credit score. I don't want to be debt-free, I want low-debt that will boost my credit and make apartments go "ah, yes, responsible!" Which really means that, functionally speaking, I have $10028.26 in loans. $10028.26 divided by $860 is twelve months, at which my car will be paid off, ESCII will be paid off, AND my overall loans will be under 6k.

This is not counting in, like, how the normal payments will add in? I have no fucking idea how to calculate that, lol, but I paid 2k in interest alone on my student loans last year, so it might end up under 6k, if I just throw a complete paycheck at a loan.

This is with putting only 5% of each paycheck in my retirement, though, and relying on the idea that my dad is going to get back to work soon, because.. obviously, not going to be able to pour money into my stuff if the household needs it, haha. Best case scenario hypothesizing, I guess.
hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)
I appreciate my parents! Especially my dad, who like.. doesn't trust me to have the energy to actually get food, and so is always bringing me something.

But I'm so tired of them waking me up.

To give credit: my dad tried, and kept shushing my mum from 6AM to 7AM, but then they got into an argument over the breaker killing or something, and were shouting from the basement to the computer room. And then from the living room to the computer room. And then in the hall outside of my computer room, because no one understands simple things like "indoor voices" and "walk over to someone if you're going to talk", or at the very least, "we all have cellphones, instead of shouting, why don't we USE THEM."


It's a very petty complaint to have, but I can't sleep with earphones in, because the latex ones make my ears swell and my dad hijacked all of my silicone ones for work. And I am so tired.
hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)
.. also, thoroughly in one of those moods where I'm just being picky and pissy at everyone, over everything.

I'm starting to realise my pissiness is mostly.. rational? I'm so used to folks reminding me that you have to stay chill, don't let people get to you, visible distress or anger is just feeding into their urge for a reaction, and the best way to handle someone behaving inappropriately is just.. go 100% business professional. This is not a conversation, this is an explanation of where you were wrong, why you were wrong, and now we can discuss if 1) you're going to fix it, or 2) if we're formally dissolving this shit.

.. this is for things that are deeply inappropriate, obviously, not tiffs. Tiffs are just contemplating if you even care enough to find out the reasoning behind why they did the thing they did, and if you care enough to drop them over it. Which: when you weigh it out as cost vs. effect, it's generally easy to decide. Not actually being friends with people, vs. being acquaintances, makes it easier, too, because.. then it's basically never worth it, short of something completely awful, i.e. slurs being used.

But it's alright to be annoyed over things, even if you're not going to do anything with that knowledge. I've gotten a lot steadier lately since I've started going, "okay, you're allowed to feel this, you're allowed to express this, but you aren't allowed to make it other people's problem". It's so much easier to get over thoughts, when you have it written down on paper, you can come back when you're impartial and re-read it, and then decide if it's worth that initial emotional reaction.

I actually don't have a reason to be annoyed today, though, apart from "everyone kept waking me up from 6AM on, continuously, and I probably didn't actually even get the 7:40 of sleep my tracker claims". x) I'm just aggrieved in general by the existence of other people. I'll get over it by evening.

... in terms of me being completely overboard, though, I spent a good forty minutes yesterday trying to convince my sister that we should give the renters in the other house 24HRs notice, and then fucking kick them out. Let them sleep in their car during the blizzard for a few days, and see if frostbite makes them adequate human beings.

I don't like my brother. Like, flat-out, he's a sheep who mirrors every single awful opinion he ever hears, he used to fucking hit me, and I've spent too many years actually paying his bills to ever find him tolerable. Also: yells at my mother, which is fucking absurd, given that he's the only person in this entire family that she actually likes, and deliberately biases everything in favour towards.

BUT they posted some racist meme on Facebook, and referenced him in regards to it. I don't like my brother, but honest to fucking god, we're renting this house to them as a favour to him, and if they've proven themselves disgusting people, then they can get out of the house. I'm not sure if they actually have cars to sleep in, but that is not my problem, should've thought it through, jackasses.

My sister's POV is that we have to let my brother handle it himself, though, because he's thirty. I get her point, honestly, I just also find it.. irritating? IDK, man, people want to use racial slurs period, in any fucking context, but especially against my family, and it's like.. if you're going to bite the hand that's feeding you and call it a nigger, when my parents decided to help out for no reason except basic kindness because they had nowhere else to go, you 1) deserve to get slapped, and 2) deserve to STARVE ON THE STREETS, BECAUSE OUR HOMELESS SHELTERS SUCK, and I don't even know if they've got a working car between the two of them.

I don't really care, either. Not my problem! Think of the consequences of your actions before you fucking do it, assholes.

(If I informed my parents as to this, then my brother's roommates would not even get 24hour notice, they'd probably just.. have the police escorting them out with an eviction notice. I don't think Ohio has renter protections. And that's why I'm not, because my sister has laid down the law, she's the one in charge of the renters, and she does have a point about letting my brother fight his own battles.)

(I can go tromping in, play the bad guy and burn down every single fucking bridge. I've already made it 110% clear to everyone in that house, much to their alarm, that IDGAF about them, either they pay the rent on time or else they are out. Because they're pieces of shit, I knew they were pieces of shit when I met them, they have never proven that they have the slightest shred of adequacy in their fucking bones, I spoke out against even renting the house to them, so fuck no, it worked out perfectly well to emphasize every shred of leniency given has been through my sister's grace and against my will, which is why they have her added on FB. And why she spotted this.)

(They're such fucking dumbasses.)

(But my sister has a point about my brother. He has legitimately never done a single goddamn thing by himself in his entire life, so this is, like, good cut-and-clear practice? There is only one answer here, and that's informing his roommates that their behaviour is unacceptable, they need to apologise - and when they do, then kicking them the fuck out.)

(But he's not going to. He's going to shove this under the rug, because he's fine with being treated this way, and he's already spent the past two years echoing back plenty of racist shit, like people don't look at him and think he's a fucking terrorist. My brother is the special kind of ignorant where he's brown, gets mistaken by people from the Middle East as being Arabic all the time, and still thinks he's white. So he's not going to do anything in response to this at all, and I'm so fucking annoyed over this.)
hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)
I harp a lot on how people need to learn to improve themselves, and not knowing what to say or do isn't really an excuse for unacceptable behaviours. I mean, it happens - I've been an asshole on accident ON THE REGULAR, everyone makes mistakes. You are constantly growing as a person, you apologize, you move on.

(Slurs are not a mistake. Slurs are my big 'go straight to hell' button. >:[)

But I come from it from the perspective of, like.. I'm really high empathy towards people, but I'm also just naturally prone to being intensely unsympathetic. I feel bad if other people are not feeling well, and I'll mirror that, and I'll randomly worry about if they're feeling better now. But it is intensely hard for me to actually see most of the things people get upset over as actually being worth i. My adolescense was filled with moments where someone was sad, and I thought I could reason them out of being sad, because there was no logical reason behind it.

I learned not to do that, and trained myself so that my kneejerk reaction is to just say "they're sad, can I help?" instead of "they're sad, and they shouldn't be". I learned a shit ton of other social behaviours the same exact way. Like, if my parents had stuck me in therapy as a baby, I'm not sure I wouldn't have been diagnosed as autistic, in all seriousness - my brother is on the spectrum almost definitely, my sister and I both have markers that are heavily associated with it (and I have way more than she does, rifp), it's comorbid with dyslexia, and it runs in the family.

But, you know, you learn not to be an asshole. You train yourself to behave in ways that treat others with respect, and in ways that you can live with - the fact that it doesn't come as easily to you isn't an excuse to not fucking do it.

This is all brought on by me wailing about balancing this safe, and then breaking out a pen and a piece of paper to waste an hour doing what takes my boss fifteen minutes. Like, is it fun? Absolutely not. Double-checking every last thing makes me want to chew off my arms to escape. But it has to be done, so I'm doing it.

It is just constantly displeasing that other people look at equilivant tasks and like.. don't.

(This is not including people who can't do things, obviously: if you don't legs, I'm not saying build your own personal lift to get up the stairs. This is regarding people who, like me and math, can learn not to be fuckheads, and choose not to, because it's hard. Like, are you for real. >:1)


hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)

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