Apr. 7th, 2017

hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)
I'm in such a great mood today, aaa. Any time I can shut my office door, turn on my heater and chill is going to make me really peaceful, I think - I like working, I do like my office, but it's like.. even when there's not a lot of people, there's something acutely tiring about knowing I'm in a building with, like, twenty other folks who can walk up and talk to me without warning, at any given point.

The door is a stopgap to make them pause. It's nice. Also nice: the fact that the fuck-ups yesterday have been confirmed not to be my fault! I knew they weren't, but it's so hard for me not to.. immediately take any mistake personally? I don't know. People are less likely to react badly to mistakes if I claim them, because I'm small and sympathetic and people find me easy to forgive, so it's been carved into my brain that I SHOULD play scapegoat, to minimize damages.

It's not the healthiest habit! I am grateful that people tend to call me out on it now, authoritatively assign blame, and not let me feel weird and guilty about it.
hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)
ahaha, I'm in an absolutely fucking amazing mood today. These enzyme pills are actually, like, making me able to eat? It's fucking amazing. I would sacrifice my firstborn child to this doctor: I eat and it's just mild discomfort (that is apparently bloating? I didn't realise that was an actual thing, instead of like, weird metaphors) instead of pain. If I avoid protein. quq

A sacrifice I"m willing to make!

But today is apparently the day I am incapable of actually standing up straight for extended periods of time. I have swooned three times since 5PM. Every time I get up, people keep bullying me into sitting down, which is UNNECESSARY and MEAN, because I'm not actually fainting? I'm just sort of tipping over.

But whatever! And honestly, I already knew this was like 2-3 issues in one, as manifest in my stupid nails changing colours, and, like, everything else, so I'm not even going to worry about that right now. I am going to EXALT IN THE FACT I CAN EAT, and get pizza, as soon as I find this goddamn buddy card.

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hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)
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