Apr. 10th, 2017

hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)
.. okay, these enzymes are not quite a magical bullet, considering that I have been awake since 3AM with stomach pain. But on the plus side: I was perfectly fine all day yesterday. Maybe this is because I ate chips right before I went to bed?

New experiment: try not eating anything for a few HOURS before bed, and see if I still wake up feeling horrid. (My stomach keeps growling, so maybe I'm just hungry? But I don't think hunger makes you feel like puking. IDK, IDK.)

I feel better than I did yesterday, though, which is good, and I'm glad that I broke down the issues that I'm having with people like I did - it's easier to assess that way, and the conclusions I drew in each case is just about right. It helped that I explained it irl and got opinions on.. my opinions, haha, because what are friend groups for, if not splitting your social circle up so that you can get impartial opinions and analysis? It's always nice to get reassured that I'm not over reacting, or being silly.

Speaking of which, semi related, but - one of my friends said that they didn't feel comfortable discussing another friend in private, and I get that entirely. I've gotten occasional spats of anxiety over people discussing me in private before, and that's part of the reason I've been disconcerted by things like, idk, nona memes discussing my shit, or stumbling across / friends forgetting to filter journals that talked about me.

But it's just an interesting view, I guess, and one that feels slightly.. archaic? When people upset me, I form a response, then I crowd source opinions about it - like, one of my earliest memories of being online was one of my friends prompting me to send them a chat log when I was seven, so they could see what I was frothing furiously at our mutual friend over. When people text me, if it's funny or cute, I'll share it. I have spent a frankly unnecessary amount of time singing the accolades of a friend in private to a lot of people. It's personally weird to realise that people remember you exist when you're not dealing with them, or at least, it is for me?

But it's not something I'd ever consider harmful! Like, for clarification, this was just "how are you, how are you feeling, if you will find talking through this to be beneficial to you, then you can talk and I will listen / be a sympathetic ear", not shit talking, haha. Shit talking, or sharing private information, is always a dick move. x)
hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)
Aaah, I hate trying to look ahead at my career, but it's so important to do that, haha.

Alright, so: if this all continues like it is, I could actually have my health issues treated by the end of the year. Honest to god, Chicago is the best place to start applying for jobs - if I wanted to stay with this company, which I don't, pfff, they have a huge campus there.

Chicago is also only a two hour flight, accounting for take off, from my current city. If my mum has a medical emergency, or there's a situation where I need to go home, or for holidays, I'm legit right around the corner, basically.

Plus: Chicago is the place of start ups, and my sister will be moving there eventually.

The cons are that I don't actually know anyone in Chicago that I'd want to interact with more than once every six months, haha. :[ If I moved to south Cali, I know two people I'd love to hang with, and two that are infinitely more tolerable than my Chicago lot. If I moved to Michigan, I know, like, three, and the best sociology grad program is there, if I stayed with Megacorp and had them pay my tuition.

I guess it'd depend on the jobs available?
hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)
1) My sister wants me to focus on health stuff, save money and gently snowball my loans, instead of doing an avalanche of money towards them, because as soon as hers are cleared, she's going to start paying on mine.

2) My sister likes to travel. Air fare is way cheaper than I thought, and unlike me, with my bad tendency to go from 0-to-slightly-teary at the first sign of cars coming near mind, she is 110% comfy with driving. But I guess it'd be a toss up on if ubers or a rented car is cheaper.

3) A day trip to Chicago would cost less than $400 with my company discounts. A weekend trip to do Phoenix Comic Con or something would cost about $500, excluding ticket prices. (I do not like conventions, so not that, haha, but this is making me realise I have absolutely zero ideas of what's cool around the country. BUT a weekend single room at most hotels is $200, so $600 total for a cool weekend trip somewhere. That's one paycheck, aka TOTALLY FEASIBLE.

Idk IDK I hate travel and I hate new places, but I didn't realise it was actually THIS EASY to bop around the country? Holy shit.
hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)
yesss, Chicago day-trip is a-go. also, potentially a New York one later?

My sister's opinion was 1) I'd have to take some kind of anti-anxiety pill to even get on the airplane, which is.. probs true, and 2) I get stressed out by markets and concerts, so a city is going to be 10x worse for me, because SO MANY PEOPLE. TOO MANY PEOPLE.

Except - it'll be unpleasant, yeah, but that's the sort of thing I should expose myself to and get used to in a controlled environment, rather than moving to some crowded downtown for a job and subsequently getting completely wiped the fuck out.

Also, I want to travel! And see things! And I.. will actually definitely need anti-anxiety meds for any flights, haha, the more I think about it, because I already get anxious about riding greyhounds, and planes are about twice to five times the speed of a greyhound. otl


hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)

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