Apr. 12th, 2017

hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)
> I used to do the "no one really likes me!" anxiety spirals frequently in high school, but those turned out to be justified, which makes it less "anxiety spiral" and more "a looming self-awareness", haha! I don't think I've done them in the last two years? Some personality types like K and J manage to thoroughly smack me right in the bad part of my brain, and get me back into that thought pattern briefly - bu~ut that was a good and helpful realisation to have, I think, and add to the list of personality types that are not necessarily great for my stress levels.

> I think I can count on one hand the amount of times that someone's actually hurt my feelings online in the last two years, rather than just caused fleeting irritation / distress on their behalf? That's nice! I have deliberately tried to cultivate a group of people online that aren't volatile enough to bug me, since IRL folks and family all exist in a low-key state of aggravating me, and it's mostly worked. Go me. \o/

> Friday off, will actually make and send easter boxes. I am so laaate, but I think "was stuck on less than 800 calories a day for almost an entire goddamn month" is a perfectly valid excuse for not having the energy to do anything. I'm also going to make either an irish bailey's creme cake, or else make double chocolate irish bailey's cream brownies, so I can eat them at work, and make cute animal bread to dip in soup.

I don't think either of those can be shipped, though, unfortunately. :[ Also, I'm going to have to ask my sister how the fuck you make things, like.. less high calorie? My baked goods are a diabetic attack waiting to happen, and that's never been an issue, but I don't want to be that person that gives out, idefk, a bag of six 500 calorie cookies and ruins everyone's sugar intake AND their diet, or whatever.

.. also, all of my cookies rotted last time, because they were too high calorie and I couldn't give them away. orz So I don't want a repeat of that, aaah.

hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)
Interesting thing from yesterday:

having the awkward moment where I had to explain that when I say transitioning would not be good for MY CAREER, or my general social status, as light skinned ethnic women unfortunately are pretty high up on the minority privilege scale, this really did not apply to the white male dude I was talking to. In fact transitioning would FURTHER his career, because the world is horrible, but you have to be real about how you benefit from it.

It's interesting mostly in that having to explain the benefits of white privilege to a white dude is always interesting, haha. I forget people don't just.. know this?
hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)
FRIEND: Yeah, my coworker took a toy duck from someone else's desk, and then hung it in a noose above our black coworkers desk.
FRIEND: Tasteless, but that's not racist, right? I'm sure he didn't mean it to be racist.

And now she's explaining to a black lady why it's probs not meant to be racist, and she said it was uncool, and that coworker has said racist things to that coworker before, but she's SURE he's just not understanding the office culture, it's not that he's racist --

Things that kind of make me consider just moving to Alaska. Why do people find it hard to admit someone is racist? What do people even have to DO before this behaviour is accepted as intolerable?

Also, why do I keep making friends with these people? orz It's so constantly frustrating to be like "this person is nice, we both enjoy each other, they have good opinions", and then: oh, whoops, it's time for a discussion on when a lynching reference is just a suicide joke aimed at the only black person in the office.
hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)
.. and this crush can officially also go and fuck itself, I'm done with it. This is entirely unrelated from the other two posts, it's just hit the point of officially more aggravating than endearing.

I am tired of all variants of feelings, please, I'd like to send them back. x)


hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)

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