Apr. 27th, 2017

hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)
Things I am QQING about:

> I can't find this paperwork and I am literally about to cry over it, because I don't know where the fuck it IS, and I know it has to be somewhere obvious, but I need it tomorrow and I can't find it, and I can't admit to anyone that I lost it. And I'm always useless for the week after doing the Cage, because it wears me out and I don't fucking bounce back up like I'm supposed to when I get tired now, I just.. get more and more tired.

It's somewhere obvious. I know this. I will find it and everything will be fine, I'm just.. two seconds from complete stress hysterics at this fucking point, and I don't want to be at work, I want to go curl up in a fucking closet for a week.

> I have been putting up decorations, on my feet, and making things, all goddamn day. This is probs the actual reason I'm feeling so wrung out, but it's miserable and I hate it and I don't know how to say "I look perfectly healthy but doing this is literally going to wreck my entire day" when my boss told me to help more with this committee.

And it hurts to stand up and it hurts to walk and ffff.

> I have three friends who know my address. I had one friend who knows my workplace, and I'm so fucking dead I was like "whatever, they know my workplace" when I was sending everyone pictures of this awful fucking thing I've been doing all day.

They did not know my workplace. Now that I'm actually paying attention, I do not want them to know my workplace, for different reasons in both cases. I am just.. I hate being tired, I hate not paying attention, I hate that I can't climb under my desk and fucking cry about everything, because that's not professional.

> Ibuprofen is not working and I also want to cry about that. ughhhhhh.
hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)
And I spent all of last night having dreams about having to figure out how to handle a teenager who suffered from CSA, and - I don't get triggered or upset over shit in the way that tumblr means, but oh my god I am still white hot enraged over that fucking post and apparently that is enough to make my subconscious want to harp on it in stress dreams.

Like, fuck off, oh my god. And also fuck J for using fucking PORN as the basis to argue incest is fine, because - great, yeah, that's definitely the critical views I want goddamn children exposed to, I feel so much better about my "should they really be a teacher" concerns being fucking validated.

I am in an excessively het up mood today. ugh ugh ugh I want to find my paperwork and I want to go HOME.


hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)

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