May. 8th, 2017

hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)
1) There's something surreal about the intersection of irl and online, because, like.. I'm not a totally different person offline? I've actually gotten way better at merging my two faces this past year, haha. But I'm much louder online than I am offline, I'm more serious, I.. idk! My sister yelped the other day in the middle of push-ups and I launched myself across the room to slide on my arms and elbows to be like "HAHA HAVING DIFFICULTIES x)" from her level on the ground. I make a lot of stupid jokes, I am giggling 24/7, I occasionally clap and spin, I'm always draping myself across things..

I'm halfway convinced I read as an entirely different person offline, haha, and it's just.. surreal to think of how that would get viewed? I dunno! I get tired of people in my actual, physical space very quickly, too, which I think would surprise folks, given that I'm always talking to *someone* online or on the phone. Just weird thoughts, I guess.

2) I love Fox. I'm the sort of person that always needs a pet as an easy source of affection, because I'm pretty much always craving affection from something, and he's basically ended up being great for that. But he's also leaving me so sore, oh my god. He's literally fucking bigger than me. He's 25lbs, so he's a little over 1/4 of my weight.  He heard me wake up at 1, popped out of his bed and onto mine, and draped himself across my entire torso to purr loudly. Precious! I am SO SORE, it kind of hurts to walk, and that's partially the dip from 70F to 30F,  but also: YOU'RE TOO MUCH, CAT.

3) RP is making me feel like I'm blurring the IC OOC lines too much, which is not a thing I've ever really done, and which is annoying. But okay, things that grate are like..

1) if someone's character behaves in a socially inappropriate way, mine reacting negatively is not being a dick.

2) if your character acts abusively towards mine, him reacting is not being a dick.

3) if your character is dating a person that spent four years steadily threatening to murder him, then him disliking them is not him being a dick.

4) him freaking out because someone brings up his dead, abusive romantic partner that tried to *murder him*, saying that he has Opinions on my characters life, is not being a dick. Slapping her was unnecessary, but so was her refusing to drop the topic.

4) him existing is not actually a dick, oooh my god. We've done voice readings of a log before, and she reads the character as constantly condescending and being smarmy, which - why? His concept is that he uses a very polite, very endearing public face to get people to like him, because he doesn't want them to shank him. When he's condescending, he's doing it on purpose to start a fight.

The character has plenty of actual dick moments! He gets competitive with every girl, he gets jealous of his boyfriend frequently, he is deeply vindicative, he bullies a dude just because he realises that he CAN and he appreciated the opportunity to be an asshole to someone with a higher social status. He's regularly classist to a terrible degree. He's awful in a lot of ways!

So I keep getting salty that this girl is not actually targeting those spots, and is instead, like.. trying to make him look like an asshole OOC in areas that are supposed to be his strength. Like, no, saying he's ignoring one of his adopted siblings in favour of the other doesn't really make sense, when we've discussed plots where he focuses solely on that kid, and when one of his defining character traits is that he fucking adores children, and he's actually pretty great with them.

My current solution is just that her characters don't get to interact with him until she shapes up, because I am fully aware that all of this is perfectly reasonable to complain about, but also, I. Genuinely just do not want to deal with it, especially when she's already feeling like her characters are low-key getting ignored by people, haha. :/

5) Also RP related, but I feel.. hM. Being a mod is hard, haha, how's that.
hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)
On more cheery notes:

> I fucking love cute gift bags. Not so much receiving them, necessarily, bc I always feel slightly guilty for destroying them? But they're deeply satisfying to make. Especially when the stuff inside is cute and twee.

> I like myself a lot. I complain a lot, but I'm genuinely very chill about life right now, and my sister keeps coddling my desperate desire to slit throats and roll heads to the top by pointing out that I make more money right now then a lot of people my age. My brain is still desperately like "BUT IT'S CHUMP CHANGE, YOU CAN DO BETTER", and that's a good thing to remember, but it's not eating me alive rn, haha.

> I feel like I'm staying in such a fog from actually eating, which is frustrating, but I'm managing, and I know being this tired is probably good. So.
hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)
Okay, fun thing to learn: I can eat breakfast at five am, or else I can drink caffeine. Doing both will make me puke.

Then again, i'm running a fever, so it may just be that. hahaha. @n@

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hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)
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