hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)
I woke up and was whining at my dad, because: "- I've been getting up all night and I don't know why my stomach is hurting every time I move, but I'm going to just take ibuprofen and sleep for the rest of the day, because this is bullshit -"

And he announced I was hungry, and got me a sandwich.

Verdict: apparently I cannot fucking tell hunger pangs anymore? 'kay, bod.

hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)
There is always the thin line between being affectionate, buoying someone's confidence and being Too Much. Apparently, in the middle of the night, I veered over to too much, haha. Thank god people find me endearing.

I am so fucking exhausted. These pills have been leaving me feeling really, really weird - like, I can eat without active pain, but it still leads to feeling really, really weird, which is apparently low level pain. (Low level pain, because my sister was like "how are you feeling?" and I blurted out "in a LOT OF PAIN, but not rea-- oh, I don't know why I said that, it doesn't really hurt that much? or at all? wtf self", haha. I can walk and move! That doesn't feel like pain!)

So, we decided to see if these pills would alleviate the pain I get from eating protein.

Eleven goddamn hours later, it is safe to say that they do not, and also, my body fucking hates me for playing games. Whatever, thank goodness for ibuprofen, there has been worse and there will be again, so I just need to slog through it. And right now, slog through it sufficiently that I actually feel capable of limping to the bathroom to get ready for work, and make sure my mother's awake.

Getting ready for the day is a drag. >:[

hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)
IBUPROFEN HAS FINALLY KICKED IN, thank god, and my aggravation has died with it. Also, talked it out, and I'm still a bit line-face-y, but whatever. I'll actually be over it in the morning. I'm not irritated, I'm just completely fucking exhausted. and laying down almost flat typing this, because it's the only position that doesn't feel like I'm sticking a railroad tie through my stomach.

I really don't want this to be something that requires surgery, but at the same time, if it finally fixes this..! It would be so, so, so nice to actually not be in near-constant pain without taking like 1k+ mg of ibuprofen.

It's sort of nice to have actually had one of my rare, actual snit and realise that oh! Look at this, I'm still perfectly nice and reasonable throughout the entire thing, because I'm an adult who can control my own behaviour and presentation. Why do people find this hard? I got kind of peevish on the phone, but.. composure isn't that hard, I realised I was getting waspish and apologised promptly.

(Speaking of which: I whine generically about IRL people a lot, both in my family and in my peer groups, but, like. I do appreciate them lots. Especially when I'm in one of my "yes, but WHY is the internet like this" funks.)

It is so hard for me to actually understand people who're like "I lost my temper and said something dreadful!", because.. why didn't you remove yourself from the situation earlier? Why can't you predict your behaviour, and arrange the situation so that it doesn't happen? IDK, man. I can't actually think of a single thing I've said, now or in the past, in anger or just on normal day-to-day conversation, that I've genuinely regretted.

The idea that people actually do, regularly enough that it isn't two or three times in their entire life, is amazing. And baffling.


hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)

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